Emotional Rollercoaster

   I was told before I came to be prepared to experience all kinds of emotions. And oh how this is so true. I debated about sharing this post with everyone as I have written several just for myself, but I felt like it was something worth reading.

  I am not a crier- never have been- until about a year ago when life at the time seemed in utter chaos- I cried a lot. I eventually made it through the struggle and came out on top! Then the roller coaster started as I worked daily, planning, organizing, and finalizing every possible detail for this trip. I would go from super stressed about everything, to a sense of peace, then break out in tears thinking of leaving my little and the thought of never seeing any family again. And then it was “go time”. I left everything I knew, boarded the plane, and headed off for a complete different life that I basically knew nothing about. I have already shared my first day with you all, but again I was warned the first week(s) might also be challenging as well. And again, this was very true. As I learned to adjust to my new reality and my new life here, I became ok with the idea some days would be easier than others. I am in love with what I am doing, and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but just like life in the states you have good days and you have “not so good” day. I think the real challenge is always finding something good in the “not so good days”. It’s what makes us stronger, and able to conquer them all. With all that said….. today started as the “not so good day”

   The morning started great- I woke up well rested, and had a wonderful sweat session followed by my daily frigid cold shower. Holly and I had breakfast together and shared a few laughed, and then I was off to the O.  I have pretty much become adjusted to the fact that at least one baby will be crying when I enter the doors, but holy smokes- it was complete madness. Babies in room 1 were screaming; kids were arguing in the hallway; babies in room 2 were throwing stuff out of the room- one was pulling hair, the other crying; the older kids were completely out of control; Wilson was no where close to being ready for his chair; and I could feel the tension rising amongst all staff- nannies included. 

   I went to baby room #2, gave a few hugs and tried to help as much as I could, then moved to baby room #1 where they were short a nanny. All the babies were in the bath area with the door closed, and all I could hear was just screaming and crying from all of them (13 total). I have no idea what was going on, but as I sat there waiting patiently and holding the youngest (4 month old) my frustration grew more and more. What on earth could be causing this much crying, and what were they doing in there? Rudy (my translator) isn’t here today, so that makes it so much harder on me.  I am 1 of about 4 (kids included) that speak English. FINALLY- the door open and out pops four little ones- theirs eyes catch mine, and immediately the crocodile tears go away. Wilson is finally bathed and dressed, so I took him from the nanny to help relieve as much as I could- got him in his chair and off we went.

    At that moment, Holly walked in the door and asked if everything is ok. Apparently I wore my frustration all over my face :(. She is working with Francia, but due to uncooperativeness there was no session today. I walked back to the baby room to see if Chaina was ready for our walk, but she was getting her hair fixed and I would have to wait until she was finished.

   10:30- time for Wilson to move to the wheelchair and go outside for a walk. At 11- I take him to the front room (toddler room) to hang out with the little guys until prayer time. I check back on Chaina and she’s all set to go. Shoes laced up and off we go. She did much better today, and seems to really like getting out of the baby room. Yesterday when we walked, as soon as we got close to the outside door she started crying. This is a little disturbing to me that the little ones hardly ever go outside, so slowly I am going to try and get them outside to ease this anxiety when they approach the doors. Anyways, I took Chiana back to the baby room for a quick nap. I checked on Wilson and he is in heaven as the little ones are pushing him around the room- he is all smiles:)

   Due to the more than chaotic morning, I wasn’t able to get to the older kids yet, and I wanted to help again with their schoolwork. As soon as I reached the top of the stairs, I could sense this was going to be nothing short of impossible. I would like to describe this like an episode of the TV show “Super Nanny”- you know the one that the British nanny comes in and rescues the parents because either A- they don’t know how to discipline, and/or B- the kids are so out of control they don’t know where to begin. I will throw this disclaimer in here- I am by no means judging parenting, and I don’t have children myself so I cannot say what I would or would not do. I am just stating my observations.

 Johnston, the teacher, was trying to work with one group of kids on reading, while one group was building something out of Lego’s, and another group was supposed to be doing math- but they were all over the room yelling. I took over the reading part for Johnston as he tried to get order back in the classroom. While trying to read with two of the boys, someone decided to jam their fingernails in another’s hand causing it to obviously hurt which lead to tears. Johnston put her in time out, but she thought it was funny and started dancing. I walked over to the little girl, and told her “I understand your frustrations, but you cannot jam your fingernail into someone else, and this why you are in the corner”. That went real well… NOT.

   The noon hour hit, and it was finally time for prayer- something we ALL needed today and I was hoping Esperancia was on fire for screaming the devil out of us today, because he sure was winning the battle.

   I do not sit in this session, as it is time for me to have a little praise and worship and prayer time in my own way, so I went to the porch with my music and journal and began to write. And after four songs, three pages, and a ten minute prayer time, I was ready to tackle the afternoon.

   As I stated in the beginning, I pondered the idea whether to share with you all, but you all know my good days, so you need to know my struggle days as well.

   I was about to chalk it up as just a “not so good day” until Mary Frances pulled me off to the side and asked if I would take a few photos. An adoptive family shipped their son Christmas and it finally arrived, so he was about to open it and she wanted pictures to send to the family. For those of you that don’t know me, I LOVE Christmas- pretty much everything about it- down to the shopping madness :)

   Mary Frances pulled him out of his class and we sat on the front porch while he opened his Christmas presents. And it was then again that the emotional rollercoaster hit. I was overfilled with joy and happiness that I was here to witness such a beautiful thing, and capture the happiness this little boy had from receiving a gift from home, and then to be able to share the memories with his family back in the states. We sat on the porch for about 45 minutes while he ate the melted chocolate and played with his new trucks while I read him his story from the new book. It was perfection in every way.

The joys continued as I walked out back where the older kids were sitting down for lunch and I caught them in mid prayer. They ate, took their plates to the kitchen, and quietly went to their rooms.

I ended my day rocking a few babies, getting Wilson up to his chair for another 30 minutes, and reading a few heartfelt emails I received today. My heart is full of joy and happiness.

Today might have started out on the rocks, but ended in the most perfect way possible, and for that I give Thanks.

Life here is hard, not always bright, and a challenge at times, but it is the one small moment that makes it all worth it, and to let you know there is something good in every day.

Find Happiness and Joy in each day.

One happy little Boy!!!!