A Leap of Faith : The Transition

So as most of you know, I went back to Haiti in June for a week to check on the kiddos, visit with friends, and check out a potential new opportunity. I arrived in Haiti on Saturday June 14^th, and was picked up from the airport by Holly and Duckens. I landed and felt as though I never left. The three of us spent the day together, and picking up where we left off. I remember telling the girls (Callie and Holly) how crazy it is that I have already been gone for 2 months, but it feels like it was just a weekend away. That evening we sat on the patio talking about life in Haiti and in the States, how everyone was doing, the purpose of our existence, and what the next steps are for all of us. The following day we attended Church at PAP Fellowship. This is a church where a lot of missionaries attend so it was great to see everyone. It felt like church back in the states where you actually know everyone and stay after to chat for a bit.

I always love the way God puts me in the right spot and exactly the right time. You see the night before we were all talking about where I was going next, and what I was struggling with, and what I wanted to do. The message that day in church was about transition. The pastor was moving back to Australia with his family after serving in Haiti for several years and was preparing the church for the new pastor. The message was about being happy through the storms because you know at the end of it you see the wonderful rainbow. It was about being a light in the darkness, being positive when all you felt was negativity, about being calm when you felt anxious, and being still when you have a thousand things on the to-do list. This message was exactly what I needed to hear, because to be honest the month of May sucked. I mean, like I had a crummy attitude about life, I felt snobbish about the luxuries I had and that others didn’t even have clear drinking water, and that all I was focusing on was getting back to Haiti., and not living life. I felt stuck and lost. I came back after the 3 months full of life, cleansed, rejuvenated, and ready to enjoy my new life. However, the transition hit hard, really hard. I hated work, hated working with such high class personnel that complained about the new computer system we were implanting, how they were too busy for a few extra clicks, and how this changed their workflow. And instead of being my bright and smiley self that I was in Haiti, I became irritated and frustrated and for lack of better words- over it. I was over it all. School started back, and it was going to be a killer semester, which is still proving to be a challenge.

Sitting in that message and listening to him preach on the impotence of patience (something I lack a lot of) and waiting on God to make the move mad eke realize I had not been doing this. I have learned over the years that I can not rush anything even if I try my hardest. It is all on His timing, not mine. Never has been and never will be. The message touched my heart in ways I didn’t know were possible. I love how He orchestrates everything. We had the conversation the night before, prayed about it, and then sat in the service receiving the answer.

I left the service that morning with a newfound energy and ready to wait, to be patient, and to listen to His calling and not my selfish desires.

The rest of the day was spent poolside at El Rancho. It was a slight overcast day, which made for the best laying out and girl chatting time. That evening we went back to the house, cooked a yummy dinner and sat on the patio enjoying the nice breeze. I missed the simple life. The one where the internet connection is spotty if at all, the one where you sit on the patio and talk instead of always running around town doing endless tasks or always checking social media, and the one where you actually take a minute and enjoy the world around you.

Monday morning started out great and since it was going to be a HOT day, Holly and I got an early start. We were going to the O to see the kids and work with the new interns on a few things before I left that afternoon. We arrived at the O around 9:30 and I was overwhelmed with all the screaming Ms Ashley’s here!!!! My heart was happy. The kids were smiling from ear to ear, and by the time I reached the back of the O, I had about 10 little ones attached to my body. I spent the morning taking the kids outside, checking on Wilson (not in a chair- a little disappointed), taking all the babies out of their cribs, interacted with them, checking on the older kids (school is out for the summer) and meeting with the new interns. Overall the day was good. I discovered a few unsettling things, but after discussing them with Pierre and the interns I think we left with some new direction and ways to improve! We stayed through lunch and was so happy to have rice and beans again. :) I was missing it for sure, and the nannies and cooks spoiled us with SO MUCH FOOD!!! We left in the late afternoon and promised I would see the kids again in September (I will be there for another week). I hugged and kissed my little girl Benchina good bye- I really wish I could just pack her up. Izzy really needs a sister, and I think she would like our park adventures…… :)

Later that evening Colleen and Eric picked me up from the girl’s house. And we were on our way to see Three Angels. Colleen and I had been communicating for about 3 weeks about Three Angels and their needs and ways she thought I would be able to assist. I do not finish school until December and knew I could not make any permanent plans to live in Haiti or work full time with them until at least January, but wanted to see the organization and what the needs might entail. This would give me the opportunity to see the medical clinic, the orphanage, and the school, and allow me to see if we would “fit” together. I spent the week observing and helping out where I could. I mapped out the clinical workflows, played with the kids, helped in the medical clinic, learned how to roll beads, and made new relationships. I traveled with Holly and Duckens to visit his really, really sick grandmother who was called home the following day. I spent one morning training and working with the nurses on new techniques for med administration. I learned their hand off process. I sat in on a few adoption meetings. And finally I finished the week with a wonderful meal prepared by Eric and his wife. The week went by fast, but during those 7 days I learned a lot about myself…..

I learned that I am not ready for Haiti full time as heart breaking as this is. I learned that I have to finish this masters program (which is done in December !). I learned that I am not being patient and waiting on His calling, and I learned that this trip was exactly what I needed. I needed to go, to get out of the US, to hear the transition message, to see how an organization is run efficiently, to build additional relationships, and to embrace the moment in which I am in.

It has taken me a long (I procrastinated a bit) to write this blog post, because it is not want I want, but I now know it is what HE wants. He will guide me and direct me where He wants me to be. He did before and I have no reason to doubt He wont again.

So for now, I am embracing work, and smile when people complain about meaningless tasks, because I know this is all temporary. I am enjoying meeting new people. I am working on building up my current relationships and not shutting people out. I am finishing summer school (trying to with a smile, but struggle some days). I am living life in the moment and not wishing it away. And I am being still.

I have enjoyed all the support everyone has shown and I am looking forward to seeing what is next….. Whenever that may be….. :)

So as I stated before.... stay turned...... I don't think we are finished yet!