So as most of you
know, I went back to Haiti in June for a week to check on the kiddos, visit
with friends, and check out a potential new opportunity. I arrived in Haiti on
Saturday June 14th, and was picked up from the airport by Holly and
Duckens. I landed and felt as though I never left. The three of us spent the
day together, and picking up where we left off. I remember telling the girls
(Callie and Holly) how crazy it is that I have already been gone for 2 months, but it
feels like it was just a weekend away. That evening we sat on the patio talking
about life in Haiti and in the States, how everyone was doing, the purpose of
our existence, and what the next steps are for all of us. The following day we
attended Church at PAP Fellowship. This is a church where a lot of
missionaries attend so it was great to see everyone. It felt like
church back in the states where you actually know everyone and stay after to
chat for a bit.
I always love the way God puts me in the right spot and exactly
the right time. You see the night before we were all talking about where I was
going next, and what I was struggling
with, and what I wanted to do. The message that day in church was about transition. The
pastor was moving back to Australia with his family after serving in Haiti for
several years and was preparing the church for the new pastor. The message was about being happy through the storms because you know at the end of it you see the
wonderful rainbow. It was about being a
light in the darkness, being positive when all you felt was negativity, about
being calm when you felt anxious, and being still when you have a thousand
things on the to-do list. This message was exactly what I needed to hear,
because to be honest the month of May sucked. I mean, like I had a crummy
attitude about life, I felt snobbish about the luxuries I had and that others
didn’t even have clear drinking water, and that all I was focusing on was
getting back to Haiti., and not living life. I felt stuck and lost. I came back
after the 3 months full of life, cleansed, rejuvenated, and ready to enjoy my
new life. However, the transition hit hard, really hard. I hated work, hated working with such high
class personnel that complained about the new computer system we were
implanting, how they were too busy for a few extra clicks, and how this
changed their workflow. And instead of being my bright and smiley self that I
was in Haiti, I became irritated and frustrated and for lack of better words-
over it. I was over it all. School started back, and it was going to be a
killer semester, which is still proving to be a challenge.
Sitting in that
message and listening to him preach on the impotence of patience (something I lack a lot of) and waiting
on God to make the move mad eke realize I had not been doing this. I have learned over the years that I can not rush anything
even if I try my hardest. It is all on His timing, not mine. Never has been and
never will be. The message touched my heart in ways I didn’t know were
possible. I love how He orchestrates everything. We had the conversation the
night before, prayed about it, and then sat in the service receiving the
answer.
I left the service
that morning with a newfound energy and ready to wait, to be patient, and to
listen to His calling and not my selfish desires.
The rest of the day was spent poolside at El Rancho. It
was a slight overcast day, which made for the best laying out and girl chatting time. That evening we went back to the house, cooked a yummy dinner and sat on
the patio enjoying the nice breeze. I missed the simple life. The one where
the internet connection is spotty if at all, the one where you sit on the
patio and talk instead of always running around town doing endless tasks or always checking social media, and
the one where you actually take a minute and enjoy the world around you.
Monday morning started out great and since it was going to
be a HOT day, Holly and I got an early start. We were going to the O to see the
kids and work with the new interns on a few things before I left that
afternoon. We arrived at the O around 9:30 and I was overwhelmed with all the
screaming Ms Ashley’s here!!!! My heart
was happy. The kids were smiling from ear to ear, and by the time I reached the
back of the O, I had about 10 little ones attached to my body. I spent the
morning taking the kids outside, checking on Wilson (not in a chair- a little
disappointed), taking all the babies out of their
cribs, interacted with them, checking on the older kids (school is out for the
summer) and meeting with the new interns. Overall the day was good. I discovered a
few unsettling things, but after discussing them with Pierre and the interns I
think we left with some new direction and ways to improve! We stayed through
lunch and was so happy to have rice and beans again. :) I was missing it for sure,
and the nannies and cooks spoiled us with SO MUCH FOOD!!! We left in the late afternoon and promised I
would see the kids again in September (I will be there for another week). I
hugged and kissed my little girl Benchina good bye- I really wish I could just
pack her up. Izzy really needs a sister, and I think she would like our park
adventures…… :)
Later that evening Colleen and Eric picked me up from the girl’s
house. And we were on our way to see Three Angels. Colleen and I had been
communicating for about 3 weeks about Three Angels and their needs and ways she
thought I would be able to assist. I do not finish school until December and
knew I could not make any permanent plans to live in Haiti or work full time
with them until at least January, but wanted to see the organization and what
the needs might entail. This would give me the opportunity to see the medical
clinic, the orphanage, and the school, and allow me to see if we would “fit”
together. I spent the week observing and
helping out where I could. I mapped out the clinical workflows, played with the
kids, helped in the medical clinic, learned how to roll beads, and made new
relationships. I traveled with Holly and Duckens to visit his really, really
sick grandmother who was called home the following day. I spent one morning
training and working with the nurses on new techniques for med administration.
I learned their hand off process. I sat in on a few adoption meetings. And
finally I finished the week with a wonderful meal prepared by Eric and his
wife. The week went by fast, but during those 7 days I learned a lot about
myself…..
I learned that I am
not ready for Haiti full time as heart breaking as this is. I learned that I
have to finish this masters program (which is done in December !). I learned that I am not being patient and
waiting on His calling, and I learned that this trip was exactly what I needed.
I needed to go, to get out of the US, to hear the transition message, to see
how an organization is run efficiently, to build additional relationships, and
to embrace the moment in which I am in.
It has taken me a
long (I procrastinated a bit) to write this blog post, because it is not want I
want, but I now know it is what HE wants. He will guide me and direct me where
He wants me to be. He did before and I have no reason to doubt He wont again.
So for now, I am embracing
work, and smile when people complain about meaningless tasks, because I know
this is all temporary. I am enjoying meeting new people. I am working on
building up my current relationships and not shutting people out. I am
finishing summer school (trying to with a smile, but struggle some days). I am living life in the moment and not
wishing it away. And I am being still.
I have enjoyed all
the support everyone has shown and I am looking forward to seeing what is next…..
Whenever that may be….. :)
So as I stated before.... stay turned...... I don't think we are finished yet!
Until Next Time Haiti!!!!! 
And just because she is the cutest little thing :)