God Why??

    I apologize for not writing more and more often. My weeks are getting busier and busier and I have had a lot on my mind this week.

    Have you ever sat and asked God Why? Why do bad things happen to good, honest people? Why’s there so much suffering, hunger, preventable death, unforeseen death, and heartache. We always say God Provides and He always does, but to what extent. This weeks events have led to me to ask this question a lot. I don’t understand, and not sure I will ever understand why things happen and the timing of things. I have also been on that emotional rollercoaster again. My friends back home know my past with a lot rollercoaster riding, so lets hope the ride stops soon. I feel like I am adjusting to the culture a little and just going with it- instead of trying to fix everything. When I have that mentality, I am overwhelmed with total sadness  and I get absolutely noting accomplished. I just sit and stare in space and ask God Why. Why don’t people have money for food, why are their “street children” and where is their mother? Did she die in the earthquake and they have been living like this since then? Why are so many children in Orphanages? Why do we find dead babies in the back room of a tent when the only symptom was diarrhea, but the family had no money for a doctor visit? Why is there filth everywhere?

   Monday afternoon was this day- I sat there and asked questions, but then heard this amazing music playing, and after realizing it wasn’t the church next door, I grabbed Holly and we took off for an adventure. And what we discovered is through all the Why’s, the sufferings, and heartaches were thousands- like 7,000 people worshipping, singing, dancing, praising, and yelling for our one King- the King of all Kings. It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen. For those back in the states- think it is as the best summer outside concert you have ever been to, but only better because it was all worship.

   I will give you a little background of why this was so awesome. I went to “Church on the Rock” two Sundays ago, and the preacher is American- and for the most part will preach in English. Which is awesome because I can actually get something out of it. But anyways- he kept on about this crusade that was happening, but because he will switch to creole mid story, I lost the dates of the event. Well the music was the crusade, and since it was Carnival this week- that’s when they decided to do the crusade.

   So Anyways, it was amazing to see this. People’s hands were raised; they were singing, worshiping, and giving everything they had to HIM. I sat in silence for a moment and took it all in. People might have not eaten today, or have clean water to drink, or a bed to rest their bodies on each night, but they were HERE, they were PRESENT, they SHOWED UP, and they were ALIVE. It was so refreshing and exactly what I needed. I have been hungry for a nice solid worship day and one I can understand and this was it- Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night. Absolutely Amazing!!!!!

   My weeks have been extremely busy- and I am very thankful, but I am completely exhausted when I get home so sitting down to journal/blog a recap of the days events are the last thing I want to do. I apologize in advance for this. I know I will wish I would have documented this trip more, but I am also on this journey to “figure” things out and follow my lead, so that’s what I am really trying to do. I have been here for 4 weeks now, and when thoughts of going home creep in my mind as my weeks pass by, a feeling of anxiety rises and I have to refocus my mind on something else. I am so very grateful for my life in the states, but part of the reason for me coming here is because I felt I am made for more- so going back and picking up where I left off seems to totally defeat this purpose. I am by no means making any plans- just letting things play out. It is just a little scary, that’s all.

  The Pfaff family arrived last Monday (March 3^rd) and they are such an amazing blessing to the O. I am in love with them all, and cannot express my gratitude for their feeling called to make a difference, and actually making a difference. We got off to a rocky start, but the last three days have been wonderful.