Only being here for 3 months, I knew this was just enough time for the kids and myself to get all nice and cozy with one another, then I would just leave- and we would all be miserable. I read a lot before I came on attachments especially with children, and not being clingy to one particular child because it will only make things worse when I am no longer here. I have (or so I think) been keeping a good distance with the kids. We are great buddies, and I love each and every one of them, but I have keep just enough distance (mostly just because there is 1 of me and 68 of them) that we are all friends and I don't have any "favorites".
With all that said....
I will let you know right now that day 1 when I first saw this little one- I knew it was going to be extremely hard for me to keep a distance. As soon as I walked in the room he came right over and gave me a tug on my pants. He is absolutely gorgeous, and shows me the biggest smile when our eyes meet.
I have been here for a little over 5 weeks, and I have spent a LOT of time in his room just because there was such a need, so the bond has been growing and growing. He is timid around new people and will come and cling to me until he gets a little more comfortable. Today, like every day I walked into his room to give everyone a good morning greeting and see how far along we are in the bath process. To my surprise, my little guy was missing. I thought nothing of it, as he might be in the shower area getting ready for outside time. But when I discovered all the babies were outside, I still hadn't seen him. I asked Mary Francis where he was, and she told me she sent him to class. WHAT?!?! My little guy- NOOOO, he can't go to school yet, he is still a baby (even though he does need to be moved up). I went to the front room, and there he was- standing in the middle of the room wide eyed and just taking in all the little kids running around everywhere. It was at this moment, I knew I had let myself get too close to him. I was like a little mother hen- I sat there and watched over him for a minute, then decided he needed to come with me. Exactly at that minute the toddlers (which is the room they had him in) were going outside. Since he isn't outside much- his little toes are not used to the gravel, so I scooped him up and went to his room and we found a nice pair of sandals for him. Apparently, this is the first time he has worn shoes, because he was high stepping it all the way back to the playground.
I had a moment where I thought to myself, this is what "real" moms feel like. My little guy was going down the slide and I was super excited. He was having a blast. I sat there and thought I want to see this one grown up, to have his first American Christmas, to learn how to ride a bike, to play tee-ball, to play with Izzy, to take him to Disney World, and to teach him everything possible. So far I have taught him to say Bye Bye and Wave, give a kiss, and make funny faces. Last friday he started calling me mama- but I didn't get too excited because all the kids call their nannies mama, so he has been hearing it for some time already. But he called me that :) haha.
After the playground playtime, he came on the porch with me for a bit, and after feeling guilty, I took him back to class. I think this is what it feels like to drop your child off at daycare. I sat at the door and made sure the older kids were playing nice and he was going to be ok (of course he is going to be ok- he lives with 68 other children :)).
I left to go meet some friends for lunch today, and when I got back all the older kids were playing outside along with a few of the babies. My little guy was outside and having a great time playing and laughing.
I am both sad and happy al this has happened.
Sadness because I am not single and 35, married and 30, or living in Haiti to become his foster care mother.
Happiness because he is already matched, so that means he is going to the states, and hopefully he will get to experience all the things I hoped for in my "mother mode" today- if I don't put him in my suitcase first!!! JKJK
No comments:
Post a Comment